Well, haven't written an actual journal in quite a long time. It's honestly a huge breath of fresh air to have a contest out of the way for a short timeframe. Winners should be posted later this week though, so thanks to those who joined!
My life's been full of lots of different appointments, places, deadlines, etc. It's easy enough to stay on my game, but it also leaves me with almost zero inspiration to sit down and work on an artwork. The older I get, the harder I find it to sit down for long periods of time and draw. Especially since before, I used to just draw sketches and post them anyways, and for some odd reason, everyone really liked my really rough work. In the present, I'm trying not to do that as much, but it's awfully hard sometimes. DeviantART either super inspires me, or just tires me out before I even get to drawing. It's a really weird, sad feeling.
Anyways! Yes, lots of doctor appointments, waiting to get results in for bloodwork-- all of that necessary but boring stuff. Then there's school, and I've been on top of all that, but it just keeps on piling up, ha ;; Still, I find my free time and I think I use it wisely.. and by that I mean I just de-stress, sit on the couch and play video games. Otherwise I'm writing stories that I'll probably never get finished, doing art that I dislike enough to throw away, and reading books for class that are so utterly boring my brain starts skimming before I even know I'm doing it.
There's been one thing in particular that's REALLY bothering me and it's been hovering in my head for a long while. That is, whether or not to go through with this MUN (Model United Nations) thing that I started. I wanted some items on my resume, and thought that, since one of my good friends was the president of the club this year, that I could try out for MUN. MUN is a role-play of sorts, in which you're assigned a certain country and your task is to accurately represent that country as best as you can. Anyways, the countries that we had this year also really interested me. I ended up getting Egypt, and since I was raised with friends from that area, I thought, "Hey, why not?"
So NOW my problem is that, even though I've made it in, the main point of MUN is that everyone's prepping for this Washington DC conference that will involve many people, proposals, discussions, and speeches. I got assigned to WHO (World Health Organization), which was my first choice anyways. Now I need to prepare a professional proposal paper as to what our country's stance is on certain health programs and problems. That's not a problem. MY problem is going to Washington DC. I know that sounds ridiculous, especially given that it's a pretty neat experience, but it's everything that's happening that week that makes it so tough.
First off, I need to pay for the tickets. Not too expensive at this time, but then I also need to have money with me for my own transportation, food, other stuff. Once again, not too much of a problem. Except that not everyone is going on the same flight, and since I have no idea what DC is like, I have no idea what I'm getting myself into by going there with people I don't know. I really, really don't want to get lost. Second, I'm assigned to a hotel room with four other people that I don't really know. It's a hotel room for four people with two beds, which means that technically one of us will have to be sleeping on the floor. Very close for comfort, very tight in general. Then there's the actual "Free time", which will be sparse because the point of the conference is to participate in long daily discussions. I'll miss the White House Tour, no matter how I look at it, which leaves me with a few hours in between to sight see. But THEN I also have three assignments due after that weekend in which I'll be going, which will leave me really strapped for time. On top of all that, I have my own personal doubts about how much I'll be able to contribute. I must be worthy enough if I was chosen out of a selective roster, but at the same time, I'm just not as passionate about politics like everyone else on the team. Interesting? Yes, I find them interesting. I appreciate the topics they discuss. But I'm lost for the majority of them and the WHO topic is about the only one I can touch. I could do a ton of research and get better at it, but then I'd still need to make deals with other representatives and be fumbling around not knowing what I'm doing. I know half of it is a learning experience and that it's only for one weekend-- so I'm really torn about what I should do.
Half of me just really doesn't want to go and is really intimidated/annoyed by all of the work that I'll need to put into it, especially given the workload during October (I also miss Halloween. Aw, that's kind of sad ;; ), but at the same time, I know that the work is necessary and that even though I may not like the entirety of the weekend, it'll still be a new experience and I could say I'd gone to at least one big regional meeting. My roommate told me I could go one time and "do my time", but that makes it sound more like I'm doing time in jail, ha ;; I think half of the reason I'm so uncomfortable with all of this is that I don't know anyone. I can meet people, sure, yeah, but they're not really my type of crowd. I can socialize, but not utterly immerse myself in talk of politics. It's just not a particular interest of mine.
So my dilemma is figuring out whether or not I want to go, because I have to buy tickets soon. I've been trying to lean one way or another but either way, I just end up guilt-tripping myself on both ends. What if I go but don't perform well because I'm as passionate? What if I don't go.. am I letting anyone down? It's early, but still..
I really just keep on going in circles with this whole thing D: